Saturday, July 24, 2010

Subtle Butt to the Rescue!

We here at Life of Cringe (there are many of us) would like to express our sincerest gratitude to the ingenious makers of the amazingly-fun-to-say product "Subtle Butt"

First of all, this combination of words is like a trip to Disney Land for my mouth. Try it. "Subtle Butt" Say it. Embrace it. Waltz with it. "Subtle Butt". Just rolls off the tongue, doesn't it?

Anyhoo, these ingenius little minxes have devised a product to ELIMINATE fart odor. Just pop it in your panties or drop it in your drawers and bam, Bob's your uncle.

I believe that I have already expressed my opinion on the topic of girl farts, so I shall not digress into that heated subject again.

However, as a generally quite pessimistic and skeptical English person, once the initial elation of the birth of such an ingenious, life-changing product had died down, I began to realize the flaws in the otherwise perfect shrine to anal hygiene.

So, to the makers of Subtle Butt, I have a few rather pressing questions.

1. Where do men who are more inclined to Boxers as their underwear of choice, attach Subtle Butt? Is there not a VERY REAL danger that, dangling free from the man's thighs, Subtle Butt might pop out and dispose itself very publicly. How would the said Boxer-wearing-gentleman explain this?

2. If one is on a date, and one's date goes well, and one happens to find oneself lacking clothing, how might one explain the little padded gadget to one's date? Because, lets face it, if you are a Subtle Butt user, one can assume that you are either:

a) Anally Retentive. Literally. And are so consumed by the horror of public farting that you spent Vodka money on it.

b) Have really disgusting and smelly farts and should probably die alone anyway.

3. If I buy several packs, can you cut me a deal? Like 3 for 2 or something? Help a sister out? This is like free publicity for you guys. I'm owed some Subtle Butt love.

No comments:

Post a Comment